You know you're old when ...

... you have to refer to the Urban Dictionary for half the terms used on all these GIF sites I frequent.

For serious.

 

Language - and more to the point slang - is such a funny thing. Constantly evolving. But since the internet went rampant it's kinda been outta control.

And, nowadays, there are some that I really like and think "good job, hip, young people."

Then, there are others.

So because I know I have several other ... ummm 30-something readers ... I will share what I've learned to help you decipher some of this tween, teen, 20-something nonsense speak.

Let's start with the ones I like and plan to incorporate into my vocab.

1. All the f*cks I give, don't give, don't wanna give or that you are incapable of giving - Self explanatory and hilarious.

Ex: The latest season of the (insert reality show other than the Kardashians * I know, it's my thing let it go *) and ...

 

2. Not a single f*ck was given that day - This one is a variation of the aforementioned phrase.

 

 

3. Fanboy or fangirl - a term that describes an over exuberant supporter of a person, place, thing.

Ex: Josh is so into "Game of Thrones." #fanboy. (You must accentuate your key word with the obligatory # or several to the point of becoming VERY redundant)

  

3. This is why we can't have nice things - Again, this one is pretty obvious. And it's been around. My parents used to say the exact same thing to me when I destroyed some household item as a kid. It just proves that what's old is new again.  

 

Ex: Byron only likes to piss on expensive items - rugs, furniture, whatev. #thisiswhywecanthavenicethings.

 



(BTW I like this particular GIF because it's from one of my favorite shows "Sherlock.")

 

4. Swag - This is used to define people or things that have some exceptional or extraordinary quality about them.

 

Ex: Jay Z and Beyoncé have a yacht, mansion and a posse willing to do their bidding night and day. #swag.

 

OR

 

Ex: You're the king of the jungle and enjoy a successful song and dance number with friends. #swag

 

 

5. Preach - A shortened form of "preach it." That is, "I second what you're saying."

 

 

Ex: The Daily Show just went off on the Republican Party for being a worthless bunch of white guys. #Preach.

 

6. Not Sorry. Or as SarBear puts it "Sorry, I'm not sorry." So funny. Basically, you just did something totally bad for you ... but it felt so good you just don't care.

 

 

Ex: I just drank an entire bottle of wine. #notsorry. (well ... until tomorrow)

 

OR

 

Ex: I just ate an entire box of Wheat Thins and it was delish. #sorryimnotsorry. 

 

OK so now we'll look at the "others" ...

 

7. This - apparently "this" can have a couple of interpretations. First, it could be something negative that requires your immediate attention. In this context, "this" can be just about anything in your life ... but it usually sucks. It sucks big time and is keeping you from completing your agenda.

 

Ex: * Posting a picture of a traffic jam on Facebook * with the caption: #this.

 

OR it can be the opposite ... a supreme state of awesomeness. "This" can be the greatest thing ever.

 

Ex: I just found $1 million in cash on the sidewalk in a bag. #this. * with a photo of said bag *

 

 

8. Ovaries/testicles - Apparently, it's trendy to refer to reproductive organs as either exploding or bursting into flames ... likely due to a state of extreme excitement. This usually occurs when one is confronted by an attractive member of the opposite sex.

 

Ex: I just saw Henry Cavill in real life. #ovariesexploding #hewillalwaysbecharlesbrandontome. #thetudors.

 



 

 

(Not really sure why they are all ablaze ... you think that seeing a hot person would make them happy and cozy ... not combustible. But who am I to question pop culture?)

 

9. "You mad?" - No, I wasn't but when you say that ... then yes, yes I am. It's ridiculous.

 

"You mad" is a sarcastic response (or rhetorical question) to a person who seems envious of your station in life or of a particular situation that's favorable to you.

 

 

10. Anything to do with "bros" - This includes:

- "Bro fist," - a new male ritual. It is a derivative of the "fist bump" that appeared way back in 2008.

- "Bromance" - a relationship between two guys that is heterosexual yet one of intense friendship or fervent admiration. (I admit, I like this one. It's funny).  

- "Come at me, bro," - a new form of the popular phrase "bring it on" used in the late 90s/early 2000s.

-  "You mad, bro" - meaning the same as before ... just with the "bro" tacked on the end.

- "Cool story, bro" - it actually means the opposite. One is mocking a person's tale of woe or wonder.

 

 

I don't know whether or not costumes are required for the bro fist

 

 

 



11. Creys - I thought this was like the shortened form of crazy (that's cray though) but it's a misspelled version of "cries." Yeah, I had to use some context clues.

 

Ex: I could fill a canyon with my creys.

 

 

12. Twerking - To violently shake one's booty. I mean ... violently.

 

 

 

Ex: Twerking is a dance move that should never be attempted by a Caucasian. Ever. For any reason. #lookingatyoumileycyrus.

 

 

Here's hoping you learned something. I certainly have.

 

And to quote Mr. Rooney from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" ... "I weep for the future."