Tribes of Miami

You probably figured that Miami was established by Native Americans. And you are right. There were plenty of tribes here long before the Europeans arrived and decided that finders are indeed keepers.

Here's a brief history lesson courtesy of city-data.com:

South Florida - and the area that is now Miami - was settled more than four thousand years ago by people who were thriving long before ol' Ponce de Leon rolled up in 1513. Miami-Dade County was primarily inhabited by the Calusa tribes (renamed Tequesta by de Leon, which I am sure they really appreciated), whose members built villages along the Miami River. In fact, the name Miami comes from the Calusa word "Mayami," meaning "Big Water." Tequesta—or Chequescha—the tribe's village on the north bank of the river, became the site of the future city of Miami.

Calusa fishing in the Miami River

After that, the Calusa tribe were understandably hostile to the conquistadors and rejected their attempts to take their lands. But by the early 1700s, less than 200 years after the arrival of the Spanish, most of the native population of south Florida had disappeared. European diseases like smallpox had severely reduced their numbers, as did inter-tribal wars. The few Calusas who remained were threatened by invading Creek and Seminole Indians, and in 1711 many fled to Havana, Cuba.

But even in the 21st century, I've noticed a variety of tribes still fighting for territory in the Magic City. Naturally, the Spanish (ancestors) are still winning the battle and you hear Spanish more than English on the streets.

Even so, there are other clans that are vying for space. Here are a few I've spotted.

* The Impossibly Gorgeous and On-Trend Gay Men:

 

I did have a photo for this (all taken from behind - and you would thank me, ladies, and from a distance). But it didn't survive the editing process. My bad. Just know that this clan isn't like it's distant cousin - the Trannies of South Beach. Rather these guys are perfectly tan, built and accessorized. The only way to differentiate between the Business Hipster ... is by noticing said accessories. It's just a bit too perfect to be hetero.

* The Beautiful Business Women:

 

Tall, chic and clearly bi-lingual these ladies are quite a sight to behold. They've got the clothes and the moves. I have no idea what they do for a living but I want to learn this skill. So. jealous of them. 

 * The Random Homeless:

 

To be sure, Miami has it's fair share of homelessenss. Hundreds in the city proper and thousands more in shelters or transitional housing. It is odd, however, to see homeless people in Brickell. That's not me being a bitch it's just true. But I did spot one the other day. And I actually have seen this guy a lot (it happens when you spend the majority of your day walking around). It's sad and I was going to give him money but he talks to himself and I was scared. But it IS kinda ironic to see a homeless person in the financial district. A lot of the ones I've seen don't even look "homeless" just disheleved and then they start digging through the garbage. : (

* The Stroller Mommies:

They - like me - are constantly tending to their babies. The only difference between us? Mine have fur. But there they are getting their work outs in whislt pushing junior around the hood. Babies have the life man. I wish someone would push me around all day.

* The Perma Gym Rats and the (Straight) Business Folk:

 

 

It was a rare sighting indeed. Two of the clans converging in the same space without any major turf war erupting. On the left, my clan - those who are ALWAYS wearing some form of atheletic gear whether or not they are actually working out. Then the businessmen always (loudly) discussing their next big acquisition on street corners then slipping into their lux vehicle. Yeah dude. You're cool.

 

There you have it. A snapspot of the current tribes roaming Miami. Who knows. One day they may all mate and meld into one big, invincible (and asexual) super race that conquers the world. We'll just have to wait and see.